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HUMOUR: A Province by Province Guide to Chinese Girls

Editor’s Note: This incredibly thorough (albeit stereotypical and objectifying) article, originally posted online by a Chinese man living in Yunnan, China, describes many stereotypes about Chinese women in different parts of China, putting special emphasis on their physical appearances and where to find "beautiful girls." Be warned however, the humourous contents of this article are based on the stereotypical (and shallow) opinions of the original author, and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of this blogger or this blog.

1) Beijing 北京
The Beijing girls, living in this capital city and having witnessed the spectacles of many things in their life, appear extremely photogenic in national fashion magazines, but most of these Beijing beauties are actually either from nearby provinces or Southern girls who've drifted up north. Maybe there’s something in the water or there’s something going on with the climate here, but Beijing just isn't fertile ground for beautiful women. Local Beijing girls are a little too big-boned, and are way too stuffy and serious. There’s an over-abundance of “single-fold” eyelids around and their skin is average at best.

2) Tianjin 天津
Perhaps the rather fertile earth of Tianjin’s fields along with the many streams running throughout the city, are what’s helped it surpass Beijing in beautiful women production. Nicknamed “Wei Mouths” for being eloquent, equipped with a menagerie of endearing facial expressions and just a tad bit sneaky, Tianjin girls are markedly different from their severely-countenanced Beijing neighbours. Still, anyone who’s taken a look at fashions in Tianjin will tell you, someone needs to tell these girls to update their wardrobes.

3) Hebei 河北
Hebei girls are all rather tall, slender and refined, but can be a little too shy and stiff.

4) Shandong山东
The classic image of ladies hailing from the former Kingdom of Qi, an area accounting for the majority of Shandong's population and area, is a big, tall girl with a striking figure and exquisite skin. Former Kingdom of Lu girls are comparatively short and bony. Shandong girls generally prefer nice but simple styles and colours for clothes and make-up. Generally, Shandong people leave the impression of being rather hickish, clumsy, surly, and strong. This is apparently because of the many hardships experienced by their ancestors, especially the Japanese invasion, which the area has never really recovered from.

5) Shanxi 山西
Some people think a coal-producing province wouldn't have anything to do with beautiful ladies, but vinegar has a mysterious effect on women. Nearly all Shanxi girls are tall and slender, glowing with health and blessed with tender rosy cheeks. Their accents aren't as sharp and staccato as other Northerners', and their dialects aren't hard for outsiders to get used to like Southern dialects. Modern Shanxi girls don’t usually venture too far away from home, choosing instead to stay in their hometowns. Perhaps it’s because this way they can avoid the filth of the outside world and maintain a little naïveté.

6) Liaoning辽宁
Since the province industrialised fairly early on, Liaoning girls are far from traditional, and tend to be straightforward and romantic. Plump and pale, the ladies of Liaoning have curvy figures and are very trendy. They hate being locked up at home or in the office, and love going out to cultural and athletic events or drinking with friends. Liaoning girls are big supporters of women in the workplace. Their crime rate is quite high.

7) Jilin吉林
People often tend to throw the three Northeastern provinces together into one big group, but there are definitely differences. Jilin girls and Liaoning girls are obviously not the same. Though they’re all are pretty, pale and plump on the outside, the Japanese and Korean influence on Jilin have made girls here more traditional, giving them a deep respect for family values and the rules of etiquette. Jilin girls can get rather paranoid, though, so remember that there’s a heart of steel behind each of their sweet faces.

8) Heilongjiang黑龙江
Heilongjiang girls are exotic, not unlike girls from Russia or Scandinavia. Most Heilongjiang girls are tall and slim with excellent posture and donned in fashionable clothes and accessories. People say Heilongjiang girls are wild, and that wildness gives them a kind of grace. Heilongjiang ladies value friendship, think about things in the long-term, and usually focus on the big picture. They are quite perfectly capable of abandoning their own emotional sentiments, and are cunning and careful when it comes to life outside the home. Heilongjiang girls love to venture into the world, leaving the Northeast for Central China, and especially southern areas. Maybe they’re not used to the water away from home, but the Heilongjiang girls I've met outside of Heilongjiang are quite haggard indeed.

9) Inner Mongolia 内蒙古
Girls from dry and windy Inner Mongolia have rough skin, almost all have single layer eyelids, and most seem old and feeble, especially those from the more desolate regions. In the Hetao region, where you’ll find most of the population and major cities, climactic conditions are better, the soil is fertile, and different ethnic groups all blend together making it a genetic goldmine. Inner Mongolian girls are pretty plump as a general rule, and since fitness and entertainment aren't as well-developed as in the Northeast, girls here easily get fat.

10) Shanghai 上海
The Shanghai girls in old legends have an old-Shanghai vibe of decadence and lethargy, but you won’t find many like that in the ranks of modern Shanghai girls as many from rich families have migrated overseas. Because of high standards of education here, modern Shanghai girls tend to have cocky attitudes, work hard, and have good social skills. They are practical, and even the old stereotype that “Shanghai women worship foreign goods and ideas” is nothing but an expression of their pragmatism and pursuit of practical benefit. Due to good levels of nutrition and frequent exercise, Shanghai girls are tall and thin with well-proportioned figures and supple waists. Possibly because of the crazily fast-paced lifestyle and enormous stress at work, their skin is always a little off colour, either on the light grey or dark yellow side. They also tend to choose tasteful clothes and makeup, staying away from overly bright or trendy clothing.

11) Jiangsu 江苏
Females from southern Jiangsu Province are similar to those in Shanghai, but there are slight differences. Southern Jiangsu girls are more delicate, are faithful to their boyfriends and care their families a bit more. They lack the confidence of girls from Shanghai. Northern Jiangsu girls are a completely different make from their southern counterparts, with a historical tradition for honoring education, and a natural artistic talent. On the flip side, the tragic historic past they carry in their genes, the region’s relatively poor economy, and their conservative ideas make northern Jiangsu-ettes horribly bony and stiff-waisted, nothing like their gentle and tender lady neighbours to the south.

12) Zhejiang 浙江
You won’t run into many dazzling plump beauties in Zhejiang, but you will find that girls here have a certain southern charm and a northern forcefulness. Even though most are pale and refined near-sighted girls, “vivacious,” “lively“ and “robust” seem to be universal characteristics here. The people of Zhejiang have always enjoyed moving away to all corners of the world. Most Zhejiang girls come from decent families and have received a good education. They give off an air of confidence and work modestly. Since they are never satisfied with what they have at the moment, they’re constantly changing lifestyles, meeting new people, and challenging themselves.

13) Anhui 安徽
In Southern Anhui where the Yangtze River flows, there are many pretty girls. The famous actress, Zhao Wei is a great example. Northern Anhui girls are harder to come by. Anhui girls are similar to those from Zhejiang. They like to venture to new places, and are a bit narcissistic and sneaky. They may also have a few too many traditional notions.

14) Jiangxi 江西
Jiangxi girls are really quite cute with their delicate figures, tender, pasty-white complexions and sugary voices. Most Jiangxi women are good girls who are loyal to marriage. All Jiangxi girls like tough guys and soldiers. Many men will be after this kind of “high quality” girl. Conversely, girls from the city of Jiujiang in Jiangxi are relatively modern.

15) Fujian 福建
Fujian females are more traditional than girls in Zhejiang. They are super friendly, have strong ties to their families, and love children. Girls there all have amazing skin, and though some of them are a little dark, they all have radiant, bronze skin. They’re very trendy, and are usually sweet and hard-working. You don’t want to mess around with a Fujian girl though. Historically, Fujian women have a high crime rate, and most of their crimes are premeditated and brutal.

16) Henan 河南
There are already too many reproaches against Henan-ers for me to mention here. Henan girls are actually simple, hard-working, friendly, and good conversationalists. It’s true, Henan girls aren’t as tall or straight-forward as girls further north. They’re also not tender and attractive like girls further south. But the way I see it, Henan women have some considerable talents of their own, including a poetic way of thinking seldom seen in other parts of the country.

17) Hubei 湖北
Compared to the province’s crafty men, Hubei women are traditional and honest. Most are the elegant and cutesy type, generally with very nice skin (especially girls in cities along the Yangtze River). Hubei girls are well-proportioned and have pale white, slightly rosy skin. However, typical of Central Plains folk, they are extremely “straight and narrow.” They lack the seductive and wild beauty of Sichuan and Hunan girls. They’re also rather cynical.

18) Hunan 湖南
Hunan girls are famous across the country. Many have "cherry blossom faces," skin like white-jade, as tender as rose, and delicate, curvy figures. If the girl is from Hunan's countryside, she won’t just have a tall, voluptuous body, but will also have tiny pale feet. Many modern Hunan girls are busily moving to other cities. Hunan chicks make themselves beautiful to obtain the love of their suitors but once they lose interest, they instantly turn into hags.

19) Guangdong 广东
Despite the fact that this is one of the more developed provinces, women’s status is still relatively low in Guangdong. Girls here are thin and short, especially in western Guangdong. In the province’s northern mountainous regions where traditional ideas are deeply rooted, girls seem frail, have dull complexions, and are tacky when it comes to clothes and make-up. On the other hand, if you look at the coastal Chazhou region to the east, you’ll find a plentiful supply of pretty girls, surprising considering the region’s infamous reputation for sexism. They have glowing complexions with tender skin, and most are just as tall as girls from the Northeast of the country. With good taste in clothes and makeup, all of these girls are sweet and innocent.

20) Hong Kong and Macao香港、澳门
Most Hong Kong and Macao women are originally from the Pearl River Delta. They generally have dull, dark, yellow skin. Worldly Hong Kong girls have an air of confidence, are realistic and know how to get along with people, but they often have a certain disdain for academic theories and the high arts. They’re also great at sniffing out “high technology” products and plebian culture. In Macao, there are a few very charming mixed girls with Portuguese or Brazilian blood running through their beautiful veins.

21) Taiwan台湾
Taiwan is famous for having a multitude of cultural diversions, but female performers of Taiwan have been hailed as its most dazzling attraction. Reality is quite different from the “prison of beautiful women” many imagine the island to be. Taiwanese women live in a fast-paced world where women’s status is still relatively low and many rarely exercise. Most are all skin and bones with dark yellow skin, but a few of these island women have managed to preserve the tall, full-figured genes their ancestors brought over from the mainland. Since Taiwanese girls try to fit morbid, tender, and weak Japanese standards of beauty, beautiful and healthy girls are getting harder and harder to find here.

22) Guangxi 广西
Northern Guangxi girls have slightly whiter, tenderer complexions, and carry themselves like Hunan girls, but most are tiny. As for girls in the province’s poor southwest region… well, there’s really nothing good to say about their looks. Their skin is dark and oily, their noses are flat, and they’re short and bony. Guangxi girls burn incense for Buddha and are chaste and sweet. Wuzhou, a city nicknamed “Little Hong Kong,” is teeming with pretty girls. Unfortunately, the majority are vulgar snobs.

23) Hainan 海南
Hainan girls look even more like southern Vietnamese than Guangdong ones. With rough, dark skin, flat noses, and statures usually on the short and small side, women’s status is even lower in Hainan, and these girls are even more traditional.

24) Shaanxi 陕西
A place deeply ingrained in traditional Chinese culture, it’s not surprising that Shaanxi’s girls are usually on the traditional side. Sweet and considerate, well-read and polite, these girls have a strong sense of loyalty. Northern Shaanxi is known for its plethora of old customs. The classic image is: men singing folk songs in loud, high-pitched voices while women quietly sit on the sidelines, snipping away at paper cut designs. Most Shaanxi girls are short with ruddy apple faces and full figures. Their legs aren't very long, and their spines are less flexible than their “water snake” neighbours further south in Sichuan.

25) Gansu 甘肃
Due to the high altitude and the large quantities of sand particles that blow around in the wind here, Gansu girls usually have bad skin. They have flat, boyish figures, and their movements can be rigid. Just like their Shaanxi counterparts, Gansu girls are sweet and considerate, and despite the arid region’s lack of water, Gansu women always keep immaculate homes.

26) Ningxia 宁夏
Also part of the Hetao region, Ningxia girls are slimmer and have sweeter personalities than girls in Inner Mongolia.

27) Xinjiang 新疆
Girls in the south of Xinjiang are slim and short with astonishingly beautiful eyes. Sweet, but a little sneaky and sometimes petty, these girls can be hard to figure out. Northern Xinjiang girls are tall and sturdy, and most have single layer eyelids and friendly, cheerful personalities. In the Tianshan region, girls are shapely and slim with dazzling and supple bodies. They’re trendy, can dance and sing, and are especially talented in stealing hearts. Xinjiang women are extremely faithful to their husbands.

28) Qinghai/Tibet 青海/西藏
Due to the harsh climate and the lack of oxygen in these high altitudes, skin ages quickly. Take care of yourselves, girls.

29) Yunnan 云 南
Yunnan is a region where China’s ethnic minorities abound, and most Yunnan girls can sing and dance, making these girls famous for their flexibility and acrobatic dance moves. Because of the high elevation, most Yunnan women are dark and thin, and their figures are rather cuddly. Yunnan women love having fun, but put a lot of importance on their relationships. They’re romantics, and from ancient times have performed deeply moving love stories. Always striving to improve themselves, their lives somehow remain constant and unchanging.

30) Guizhou 贵州
Guizhou girls are usually on the delicate and plump side, with supple waists and pale, rosy complexions. They’re energetic and charming and dress fashionably. Untamed vixens by nature, but easily satisfied, they love playing mahjong and munching on snacks. They often enjoy themselves too much that they lose themselves, becoming worn out and haggard.

31) Sichuan 四川
Since ancient times, the women of Sichuan have adored beauty and loved having a good time. Though short, they’re well-proportioned, and their legs are long considering their height. Usually more filled out and sturdier than girls up north, these beauties have tiny and supple waists. Sichuan girls are just as spicy as the local food, and they will not hesitate to make a scene at home, on the street, or at the bus stop, bringing a huge loss of face for the men they’re yelling at. They have the uncanny ability to curse someone out with a cigarette dangling from their mouths while eating an apple and crossing their legs at the same time. Still, they’re perfectly capable of supporting the household and letting their men stay at home. These are the women of Sichuan. Their spicy flavour just makes them get better with age.

32) Chongqing 重庆
The three treasures of Chongqing: “hotpot, nightlife, and beautiful women.” There’s a crazy night scene in Chongqing, and Chongqing girls are just as hot as the city’s famous hotpot. The region’s nutritious cuisine and humid climate keeps their skin wonderfully moist and clear. A constant need to climb stairs keeps their legs shapely and strong. A love of cat fighting keeps them in good shape, and gives them wonderfully full breasts. The spicy food keeps their blood boiling. Just like the region’s famous food, these girls are "hot enough to get a reputation, hot enough to make you happy, hot enough that you won’t be able to get the taste out of your mind!" They’re really the cream of the crop of hot, making Chongqing’s arrogant beauties the more intense version of their spicy Sichuan sisters.

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